


Waiting for Doirbou

by unoriginal_liz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-19
Updated: 2003-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 07:50:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3969877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unoriginal_liz/pseuds/unoriginal_liz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t Sirius' fault Evans and her troop had introduced Truth or Dare to Hogwarts, it wasn’t his fault it had caught on, it wasn’t his fault James had decided to refine the game by using a truth charm. It wasn’t <i>his</i> fault Remus had chosen truth over dare, <i>and</i> it wasn’t his fault Mundungus had chosen to ask who was the first person Remus had ever fantasised about...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for Doirbou

**Author's Note:**

> Old, moth-eaten bit of nothing much. Still, Remus and Sirius were one of my first ships ever, and they still make me do that weird 'aww' smile thing...

Sirius stretched out ostentatiously on the grass, elbows holding him up. Remus ignored him and turned another page of his book.

“I can’t believe we’re missing dinner for this,” Sirius said, straightening up and folding his knees under him. The grass was damp. 

Concentrating fiercely, Remus groped out with one hand, grabbing a small bag and tossing it to him. Sirius opened it. It was full of happy faced crackers. The topmost one winked at him. He stared at them for a long moment before stuffing them all back in the bag. 

“How long will we have to wait, anyway?” he asked. Uncomfortable, he shifted again, bracing his weight on his knuckles and crossing his feet in front of him. In the process his knee bumped Remus’ hip and must have caused him to lose his place, since he threw a look so dirty it almost smudged Sirius’ face in passing.

“We have to wait until the doirbou comes out.”

”Timid little buggers aren’t they?” Sirius offered. “Hardly even looked at the other one before it was off and running.” Privately, Sirius thought this was wise of the hidden doirbou, as its potential mate was three times its size and had astonishingly sharp teeth. His index finger throbbed in memory. 

“Very. Startle at the sound of a human voice, I would say,” Remus said, turning back to his book. 

“But there’s nothing else to do!” Sirius whined. He bit his lip to keep from laughing and asked, in his most innocent voice, “Unless you can think of something for us to do.”

“We could sit very still and see who can stay quietest longest,” Remus offered flatly.

“That’s it?” Sirius said. He sighed sadly. “I expected better from you, Moony, really. Where’s that creativity? Don’t tell me you can’t do better than _that_. I’m right here, all laid out at your mercy…” He stretched out again and his eyes narrowed speculatively. “I bet you’re secretly thinking dirty thoughts right now.”

“Oh, completely filthy,” Remus said, and turned another page.

“Really?” Sirius asked. “What? Although, if it’s what I think it is, let me tell you that tree bark is too scratchy to be comfortable.”

”Well, right now, I’m thinking about kissing you.”

Sirius froze. “…Really?” he asked.

”Yes,” Remus nodded, then paused as if to consider something, “Of course, that’s because it would give me an opportunity to bite off your tongue.”

“Very funny,” Sirius made a face. He waited a minute before saying, “Seriously, Moony, what do you think about?”

“None of your business,” Remus said absently, concentrating fiercely on his page. 

“Considering I have a starring role, I think it’s at least partly my business.” Sirius felt supremely reasonable.

“Too bad I don’t agree,” Remus said. He still hadn’t turned the page. 

“Come on, you know most of mine,” Sirius wheedled.

”Yes. And mine are just as boring. Sirius, aren’t you getting even a little tired of this?” Remus closed his book. Sirius nearly flinched from the directness of his gaze. 

“What?”

“It’s been three weeks since that stupid game – surely the joke’s wearing a bit thin?”

“Sorry,” Sirius mumbled, mostly because Remus had a sharp note to his voice.

“Look, I know none of you mean it like, but…” Remus let the rest of the sentence limp off into silence, and stared instead at the small cavity at the base of the tree, where the doirbou was firmly ensconced. 

“We could blast it out of there using a small charm,” Sirius offered.

“Except, of course, that we were warned not to do that,” Remus said, without looking at him. “Since the doirbou absorbs magic and channels it back. Richard Vale – the Ravenclaw beater - tried an enlarging charm on his once, to win a Muggle pet contest, and he ended up with cheek pouches.”

“All right, message received,” Sirius said testily. After all, it wasn’t his fault the sodding doirbou preferred a knothole to its assigned mate. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t like crackers, and it wasn’t his fault that Remus was as cranky and unreasonable as the doirbou’s mate. He was beginning to sympathise with the little bugger.

It wasn’t Sirius' fault Evans and her troop had introduced Truth or Dare to Hogwarts, it wasn’t his fault it had caught on, it wasn’t his fault James had decided to refine the game by using a truth charm. It wasn’t _his_ fault Remus had chosen truth over dare, and it wasn’t his fault Mundungus had chosen to ask who was the first person Remus had ever fantasised about. He couldn’t be blamed for the answer Remus gave, for _being_ the answer in this case, and it was a bit much to blame him for James and Peter’s jabs. Sirius felt he’d been admirably restrained himself – trying to tease it out from little remarks, instead of battering Remus with blunt questions, because really it was intriguing to be Remus' fantasy. 

Remus had been very good-natured about it, Sirius admitted. Gone along with the jokes and the nudges – made jokes himself, as if he wasn’t embarrassed at all. Good-natured and unreadable as a blank scroll.

“Do you really think about kissing me?” he blurted out, surprising himself. He felt like an absolute moron as soon as it was said, and if it came out half as stupid as it sounded to himself, then he deserved to feel like that.

Remus sighed and turned to him, and began to say something, only to stop and study him. “You mean for real?” he asked.

Sirius nodded. There was no point in feeling this stupid unless you had something to show for it. 

“No,” Remus said consideringly, “Not really.”

Sirius heard himself say, “What? You’ve got to be joking, you’re the one who’s in love with me, and you’re telling me you never even think about kissing me?”

”I’m not in love with you,” he said. He sounded insulted. “I never said I was in love with you. I said you were the first person I had a fantasy about. Learn the difference you idiot. And fantasies are…well, they’re fantasies, they’re not real, they’re not about actually doing things really. That’s what makes them fantasies.”

“So you wouldn’t do it, even if you could?” Sirius asked flatly.

”No,” Remus shook his head.

Sirius let out a disbelieving huff of breath.

“It’s just a fantasy, Sirius,” Remus said in that know-it-all voice, “It’s not about really doing what you think about.”

”So you wouldn’t, then,” Sirius persisted. He was having trouble letting go of this, for some reason.

Remus shook his head, evidently deciding that the third time didn’t deserve an answer.

“Why not? I’m good enough to think about, but not actually do? These things with,” he clarified. The words didn’t seem to be coming out right.

“Yes,” Remus said serenely. It was typical, he was the one in the embarrassing position, and Sirius ended up being the one tied in knots.

“If I ever did kiss you, or anything, you’d be insufferable,” Remus continued, “Your ego’d go into orbit – Sirius Black, irresistible to men, women…assorted plant-life. It’s enough to put anyone off.”

Sirius crossed his arms, deciding to try the silence tactic Remus had employed. He felt insulted and wronged. If he really thought that about himself, he wouldn’t be prying to find out what Remus honestly felt about him, entranced by the novelty of it.

“Anyway, what if you turned out to be bad at it?” Remus said, apparently not noticing Sirius’ huff. Or maybe he _did_ notice it and was trying to get some of his own back for three weeks of being punctuation for every joke in Gryffindor.

“It’d be the end of a nice fantasy,” Remus said and shrugged.

Sirius’ mouth dropped open. “I would _not_ be bad at it! I don’t believe you – if this is the way you talk to people you like, I’m not surprised all you have are fantasies.”

”You shouldn’t get so…” Remus searched for a word, and unusually, didn’t find it, “...about it.”

”I am not getting so…” Sirius waved an arm, “...about it. But how else am I supposed to act, when you say something like that?” 

“Don’t take it to heart, Sirius, I didn’t mean it like that.” Remus frowned.

“Why don’t we just shut up – bloody doirbou’s probably terrified by now.” Sirius stared at the tree, willing the stupid thing to come out. Now, or sooner.

“Sirius,” Remus began, but he ignored him and fixed his eyes on the tree, even when he knew Remus was looking at him. Which was happening more and more often as the minutes ticked by. He would have looked at his watch, but he didn’t want to give Remus the satisfaction of seeing he was bothered as well.

“Sirius?” Remus tried again. Sirius ignored him. Remus had wanted him to shut up, he should be _happy_ now. 

“Sirius, come on – I don’t know why you’re so touchy about it, it wasn’t _you_ who” – Remus shook his shoulder. “Sirius – look at me, stop acting like an idiot.”

A wonderful way to put it, Sirius thought. He might have made some remark about Remus’ way with words – probably would have if Remus had kept quiet for another minute, but he didn’t.

“All right, _fine_ , have it your way,” Remus sounded exasperated and he scooted closer, moved around until he was right in front of Sirius’ face, so close Sirius’ eyes almost crossed just from looking at him. He craned his neck and moved even closer, and it was all Sirius could do not to flinch. But he didn’t, and Remus’ lips landed on his. He took a deep breath in through his nose, unable to do anything except be surprised until Remus pulled back a little and licked his lower lip, which startled him out of his daze and reminded him he didn’t want to be found wanting. He pressed forward so enthusiastically he nearly overbalanced them both.

A little while later, he felt something brush against his boot and Remus pulled away to ask, “Feel better now?”

”I – yes.”

“Good,” Remus said calmly. “Because the doirbou’s just made off that way.”


End file.
